I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
