Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
