The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
