Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize