I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
