I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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