did you get engaged???
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
