Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
