she kept yelling 'call me bella'
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
