so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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