my vag is so smooth its legendary
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
