So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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