I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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