You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
