Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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