clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
