I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize