party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
