4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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