Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
porn star boner night. come get it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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