Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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