if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
