i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
