Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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