I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
