I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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