dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
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She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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