I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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