He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize