i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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