"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
