I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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