At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
