just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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