My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
