That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
