I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
