Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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