i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
