I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
