just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
