I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
