Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
