dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
