I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
