i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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