I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
