Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
