half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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