why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You can't special order awesome
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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