i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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