i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
