so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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