So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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