ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
