dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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