New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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