I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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