I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
