It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
