Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
