rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize