the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
