Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
