I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
