is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
