Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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