I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
