Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
