Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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