We should be called the Road Head Warriors
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
