I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
