never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
