Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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