she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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