Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
