he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
